Thursday, February 02, 2006

all about God

I could go on about Redhead forever. He was in my English lit class today, and he was in my Mythology class last semester and if he were any HOTTER he'd have to wear asbestos undies! He's got a great body - no fat, good development, great shoulders (which are accentuated by the slightly snug button-down dress shirts he always wears), but the main attraction is his face: he's really, really handsome, but it's not a BLAND handsome - instead, it's sharp, focussed, intense, a little dangerous even. We started chatting last semester (I somehow mysteriously always ended up sitting right next to him! Imagine that!), so now we regularly find each other for our lit class, and sometimes when he's talking to me, I swear I almost start stammering, having all that pale beauty directed so seriously at me.

So today after class he asks me if I'm going see Lifehouse tonight at Avalon, and of course I blurt out 'totally!' and the rays of Heaven beam down upon me when he suggests we meet up there and go together! I'm fairly unconscious with giddiness all the way back to the dorm, when suddenly it dawns on me that Lifehouse is a Christian band, and my heart starts pounding with unwanted questions about Redhead - is he just going for the music (which, to be fair, IS insanely catchy), or is he a Jesus-freak? Is maybe the REASON why he's so serious all the time because he's a Jesus-freak? I start picturing what could happen - what if there's some kind of prayer-meeting after the show? Do I go, or do I make some lame excuse (I already prayed today, sorry)?

See, I've got some problems with God. Or not with God, who I suspect is really cool, and not even with Jesus (take a look at Mohammed or Buddha - Christians have by FAR the hottest frontman), but with Christians. They bug me not only because SO many of them are SO evil but because they're so hypocritical. I know for sure that 99.9 percent of all Christians would not want Ropeboy in their churches, would judge Ropeboy a sinner, maybe even already damned, when their own boy Jesus is right there telling them "Don't judge" - it makes me crazy, because that's where the hypocrisy comes: they judge and condemn, but for 2000 years they've been reading about bondage right there in their churches!

Just look at Samson - in Judges 16 (sorry - Bible belt, remember?), he tells Delilah that if she ties him up with brand-new bowsprings, he'll lose his superhuman strength - so she gets some brand-new bowsprings and ties him up. Keep in mind he doesn't know anything about the surprise attack she's got planned, not at that point ... so the only conclusion left is: he WANTED her to tie him up! And not just once - it's obviously a kinky little game they're used to playing.

And what about Saint Sebastian? For 2000 years, Christian artists have been painting pictures of a gorgeous young guy tied up to a tree! I'd LOVE to tie a gorgeous young guy to a tree, but because I'd ENJOY it, I'm a sinner.

Shirley (my mom) always says, "I have religious faith in three things: two martinis at lunch, punctual alimony checks, and really good weed." That's my kind of church.

So I'm worried about Redhead trying to CONVERT me, but if I don't take the chance I'll be kicking myself for the rest of the semester, so I'll go and see what happens. And if I'm going to get anything done before I leave, I better stop dicking around here and go do it!

Gene says 'Seacrest out' is really, really dumb, so I guess I have to think up a new exit-line...


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